16 Problems Every Arab Kid Can Relate To
BY: Nisreen Eadeh/Staff Writer
Growing up in an Arab American household has its quirks. Children quickly learn that their family is not like most others because, while endearing, Arab social norms can cause a few problems as a kid. But those are our Arab problems, which we might try to avoid when we grow up, but let’s be honest, most of us fall right into the habits of our parents anyway.
Here are 16 Arab problems every kid can relate to.
1. You never get to sleep in on the weekend
Saturday mornings are for calling your family overseas, which means you wake up at 7 am to the sounds of mama and baba screaming into the phone to your relatives (who can hear your parents just fine, by the way).
2. You’re always worried there’s an emergency when your parents call
They call 4 times in a row and text at least 2 times just to ask if you want maqloubeh for dinner.
3. Never knowing how many times to kiss someone on the cheek
Very few moments are more awkward than only giving someone two kisses and lean away while they wait for a third. Or you could be stuck in a situation where neither of you know when to quit and you’re in an endless cheek-kissing cycle!
4. You can never have a sleepover
Our friends never understood why we couldn’t have sleepovers at their house, but they were allowed at our house. Arab moms are notoriously untrustworthy of every house that’s not their own so Arab kids rarely – if ever – get to enjoy sleepovers.
5. Always hearing threats of “no one will marry you if…”
If you can’t roll grape leaves well or get a degree in engineering, you’re not marriage material to other Arabs. Our parents want us to be highly skilled people, but there’s got to be a better way of doing it than scaring us into thinking we will die alone!
6. Never having normal snacks to offer your friends who come to your house after school
Arab Americans love some hummus and carrot sticks as a snack, but most kids are just looking for chips or fruit roll-ups.
7. Becoming a clean freak
Arab kids become master house cleaners by the time they’re 6 years old. This isn’t necessarily a problem, but it becomes one when we try to clean our friends’ houses as adults because we just can’t stand to see a mess.
8. Always having to spell out your name three times
We thank our parents for the beautiful Arabic names they gave us, but seriously, how many times does it need to be spelled for others to get it?
9. Living with your parents for too long
In the old country, kids lived with their parents until they got married at the young age of 18. But in present day America, kids move out, go to school, find jobs, and go on dates. Arab American parents aren’t falling for that, though! You can go to school locally and find a job close to home.
10. Being Facebook stalked by your entire extended family
Arab parents officially spend too much time on Facebook. They like everything you post, old and new, and have a following of aunts and uncles who in turn also like everything your parents have liked. It’s a vicious cycle.
11. Getting lost because baba refuses to use a GPS
Arab dads insist that they know the best route to take and how to get anywhere, even if they’ve never been there before. So turning on a GPS is never an option, even if you’re lost.
12. Never having a report card that’s good enough
Just an A, why not an A+? Arab parents have high expectations for their kids because they’re all super smart and need to be the next president. No exceptions.
13. Eating a fancy fruit cake for birthdays instead of a regular sheet cake
All kids want on their birthday is a simple sheet cake with sugary frosting and sprinkles, but Arab parents always end up buying a fancy fruit cake because that’s what the adults like.
14. Always having to call about utility problems because your parents don’t understand the agents
And the agents don’t understand your parents, even if they’re native English speakers. Talking on the phone to the cable company or plumber is a job for lots of Arab kids.
15. Being embarrassed in any store that wouldn’t take expired coupons or returns without receipts
Pray that there are no limitations to the coupon your parents have, or else they’ll be arguing with the clerk for 20 minutes. Yes, everyone will watch and it will be embarrassing, but your parents will win.
16. Taking old labneh containers to school as Tupperware
Arabs are savvy people. They save anything that could serve a purpose at a later date: empty olive oil jars, used Ziploc bags, napkins from a restaurant, grocery bags, old t-shirts for cleaning, etc.