What's it like 'being Brown Girl' in the West? One Palestinian girl has crafted the perfect letter to let you know
Sarah-Elizabeth Daly
Heralds Scotland
Mia Oudeh, from Dunfermline in Fife, posted the letter publicly to Facebook to explain what it’s like ‘being BROWN GIRL’.
“It’s something that has been brewing in me all my life. I had the idea of writing Being BROWN GIRL for a long time, and kept writing lists and examples as things happened.
“My whole life is a constant battle of finding my identity, torn between the West and East and becoming proud of it. It’s a lesson that every person of colour who lives in a country other than their originating country goes through.”
When asked what prompted her to post the message to Facebook Mia said “I posted it to Facebook because many people I have on it are the people who made me feel ashamed of who I am – people I went to school with, boys I’ve had romantic relations with etc.
“I believe that social media can have a particular impact on people, particularly if it’s something personal. I guess it’s also been written to myself, because regardless of how far I’ve come in identity pride, I still have moments of hating my looks and feeling ashamed of what people assume I am.
“The thing that sparked me to finish the piece today was people’s response to a video I shared on cultural appropriation – the only people who argued against the video were white people. They are, sadly, too blinded by their privilege to understand the concept.
“Some who commented are good friends of mine. Despite my best efforts to reply with reasons why appropriation is problematic, we could not see eye to eye. This gave me enough fire and energy to finish Being BROWN GIRL to show them that it’s not just a debate, their opinions are not valid – people of colour have an entire lifetime of systematic oppression and identity crises because of white supremacy.
“Being BROWN GIRL is a piece which is essentially saying to everyone I know – friends, family and myself, “Hey, I grew up completely messed up because of this messed up society, but my existence is real and my anger at all of you is completely justified.””
You can read ‘Being BROWN GIRL’ in full below.
Being BROWN GIRL – Mia Oudeh
Being BROWN GIRL when you’re the only BROWN GIRL in your class. Nobody holds your hand, skin to skin, they pull down their sleeves to hold your brownness when teachers force them to. Being BROWN GIRL is being called the ugliest girl in your class by the boys, because your features are foreign to Western beauty standards. Being BROWN GIRL is getting called fat because your body type does not fit Western standards. Being BROWN GIRL is having your primary teacher say “Poor Amira’s hair” to your entire class and turning red with shame at your ugliness, endorsed by your peers and educators.
Being BROWN GIRL is spending weeks crying in bed, unable to leave your room because you are too ugly. Being BROWN GIRL is screaming and clawing at your face, trying to pick at your oriental profile, ripping apart the bones and fitting them into a badly put together jigsaw. Being BROWN GIRL is wishing for the most Roman nose, the straightest hair, the bluest eyes, the hairless skin. Being BROWN GIRL is growing up in childhood, praying five times a day, only for the blessing of having straight hair.
Being BROWN GIRL is trying to reinvent yourself to escape your ugly culture. Being BROWN GIRL is having nice white people constantly mispronounce your name. Being BROWN GIRL is dreading a new teacher reaching your name on the register whilst your class mates giggle in anticipation at what the teacher will say. Being BROWN GIRL is shortening your name down to something more Western so that your peers don’t see you as foreign as you are. Being BROWN GIRL is skipping language classes, denying your heritage to fit in. Being BROWN GIRL is keeping your religion a secret then feeling shame when your peers discover you’re Muslim. Being BROWN GIRL is having your period and not being able to do water activities on a school trip because you can’t use a tampon, having to tell your peers you’re afraid of water instead, being called a coward when really the cowards are those who teach children menstruation should be secretive. Being BROWN GIRL is laughing with your peers when they make fun of your parents’ accents, and you feel guilt burning inside. Being BROWN GIRL is telling your parents to put down the music in the car when you get to school. Being BROWN GIRL is telling your mother she is being racist when she says, “All the problems in the world are from the white man.”
Being BROWN GIRL is people’s widening eyes of surprise when you say you were born in the same town as them. Being BROWN GIRL is people being surprised you have a native Western accent. It is when people say, “But where are you *really* from?” because your skin tone invalidates your identity. Being BROWN GIRL is saying where you’re from, then hearing your friend laugh at your people “dancing naked on the news when the twin towers fell”. Being BROWN GIRL is seeing your mother crying from fear when she puts her headscarf on.
Being BROWN GIRL born in a foreign country means going home and people of your race seeing you as foreign. Being BROWN WEST GIRL is brown men and brown mothers seeing you as a red passport of freedom. Being BROWN WEST GIRL is being seen as easy by brown men. Being BROWN WEST GIRL is brown people assuming you know nothing of your belief system or culture because you’re “not really from here”. Being BROWN WEST GIRL is having people who don’t know you lecture you on the importance of learning a language you do not want to speak. Being BROWN WEST GIRL is having your aunt pull down your top because BROWN WEST GIRL does not understand modesty.
Being BROWN GIRL is growing up, hearing your parents talk about a homeland they can never go to. Being BROWN GIRL is visiting your homeland with hand written maps by your father, taking home a handful of soil and him telling you it’s the most precious gift he has ever received. Being BROWN GIRL is being strip searched, interrogated and banned from your country when you try to visit it. Being BROWN GIRL is seeing white settlers living in your grandmother’s home, whilst she is forced to live in another country instead. Being BROWN GIRL is seeing nice white people visit your homeland to “help” when you are not allowed to visit at all. Being BROWN GIRL is white activists visiting your country for solidarity, but them not recognising their privilege in being allowed to go.
Source: www.heraldscotland.com